The Fear of Failing In School

Positive thinking can only go so far, that’s the truth; I can attest to it. I have failed this certain subject twice and now, I’m on my third try. To be honest, I am giving my all on this one; sweat and tears make up most of my nights. I want to pass the subject so bad, I ask God and the saints for guidance every day because I am getting weaker every second. I have done everything I can this time. EVERYTHING. If I fail again, then I guess it’s time for me to find a new course. Yes, I’ve gone so far and it will be a waste to give up now but honestly, I’m so tired. I’ve been bruised way too bad that I don’t know if there is a chance of healing. To see everyone I used to hang out with in school working in different companies, it makes me feel stupid for being stuck in school. Seriously. I ask myself most of the time: “Am I that stupid that I cannot finish college?” It hurts and crying helps ease the pain. But even crying can only help for sometime. Once I’m on game face, behind my head, it’s still there. Trying to bug me, trying to get my full attention. I am depressed, I think. I don’t know what to call it, really. Maybe I’m having anxiety attacks? Oh what the hell. I’m feeling what I’m feeling. I have fears and they’re so hard to overcome. I don’t know what else to do. Try to be okay? I don’t see the point anymore. I’m as ice cold as a living human can get.

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