The Cold Battle

For a week and a few days now, I have been having problems with my papa. It’s somewhat heavy this time, he’s all  “if you fail again…” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Trust me, I’ve been hearing everything I don’t need to hear for days now it feels like a three months has already passed. I can say that I have been having daymares and nightmares 24/7. Sucks, right? I don’t know how I’m able to take it. Maybe God thinks I’m worth saving so he’s helping me hold on. Maybe this experience will help me in the future. Maybe, just maybe, this has to happen for better things to come. I pray for better things to come. I know I deserve it. To be honest, this time, I know I do.

And yes, I hope I have a better family. A family that would actually listen to me. A family that wouldn’t judge. A family that would let me be me and not try to squeeze me in to be someone else. A family that actually spends time out of town, out of the country. A family not similar to mine because mine isn’t something I’m SO thankful for. I am glad, I guess, that we know how to laugh during bad days. But I don’t feel like this is my home, you know? For me, I think I am meant to leave the country and live somewhere else (Italy, England, USA, Australia…) just to appreciate them. I AM IN PRISON HERE AT HOME. I am not free to do what I want. Hell, I’m going to be 23 soon and you know what, I HAVEN’T BEEN OUT OF TOWN WITH MY BEST FRIENDS. I’m missing a lot, I know. And I don’t want to miss anything anymore. So yes, the main goal: leave the country for good.

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